toadprince:

Shoutout to Dick Van Dyke for being a cis dude whose parents gave him a drag king name for some reason

fuq-off-and-on:

Sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone

daydreamswife:

I just love sleep so much ……. like u just close ur eyes and ur gone bitch ………… brain logged the fuck off ……… powerful

nightmareshack:

yiffmaster:

most tumblr jokes are utterly embarassing to say in public but today i said to someone “bold of you to assume i have dignity” and i won’t lie it was the most powerful I’ve felt in years

I was in the car with my family and my mom was talking about how much time she thinks “our generation wastes on the internet” or whatever. And I was explaining how I use the internet to read and curate more interests and hobbies and expand my social horizons etc. and she was just like “Well fine if that’s how you want to live. You can waste all your time on the internet if that’s what you want but I beg to differ” and without thinking I just said “then beg.” and the entire car went silent until we got home. it was the biggest power move i have ever made to date

lesbiancarlyrae:

Full offence but I need to sit in a river

vvhitehouse:

me: *embarrasses self in public*
me: *loudly* i sure hope no one MURDERS me tonight in my sleep WHERE I LIVE at 125 west (that’s W-E-S-T) roa…

wrongmovehoe:

gemini:

wrongmovehoe:

raisin bran crunch has all the necessary nutrients for great coochie

My nan eats that 😧

Guess what your nan has

everythingiswhatevernow:

badjokesbyjeff:

Doctor: Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?

Man: Good news first please, doc!

Doctor: We’re naming a disease after you

Why is this funny

studentlifeproblems: